Here’s a little fun Saturday list I threw together about what I’ve learned from watching far too much Japanese TV. I’d love to see people guess at some of the shows and people I’m talking about, as well as adding any new ones that come to mind.
It would make my long Saturday of work all the more bearable!
1) All food on earth is ungodly and orgasmically delicious. When women complain about their husbands’ lack of presence in the bedroom, I should recommend eating something, it just looks better than sex to eat food here.
2) The tiniest and most subtle of differences are wildly fascinating. If a prefecture puts black sesame seeds on rice instead of regular ones, I should freak the fuck out and scream about how amazing and different it is.
3) All I really needed in life is a speedo and a catchphrase
4) All transsexuals and gay people are extremely silly and fun. I’m often pissed-off when I meet regular homosexuals and they’re just boring, normal people. It’s a shame they can’t all be as 200% outrageously flamboyant as they appear on TV!
5) I can look like a big-toothed, wet weasel and still be a famous TV show host.
6) If I travel around Japan visiting prefectures I’ll meet nice girls who show me all nice sites and local delights, and then I can go epic freakout on each and every one of those delicacies.
7) When I try to kiss those nice girls, they’ll slap me in the face. I’ll have more bruises than Foreman after Ali.
8) All Japanese families are quirky, wacky, and overact like they’re in a 1930s film, but the young, chirpy female protagonist will always hold things together.
9) Japan single-handedly keeps poster board companies in business. It’s like the news and variety shows never even learned that computer graphics were invented
10) All newly-wed foreign people eat enormously gigantic fucking breakfasts