Top 10 Things Japanese TV has Taught Me


Here’s a little fun Saturday list I threw together about what I’ve learned from watching far too much Japanese TV. I’d love to see people guess at some of the shows and people I’m talking about, as well as adding any new ones that come to mind.

It would make my long Saturday of work all the more bearable!

1)  All food on earth is ungodly and orgasmically delicious.  When women complain about their husbands’ lack of presence in the bedroom, I  should recommend eating something, it just looks better than sex to eat food here.

2) The tiniest and  most subtle of differences are wildly fascinating. If a prefecture puts black sesame seeds on rice instead of regular ones, I should freak the fuck out and scream about how amazing and different it is.

3) All I really needed in life is a speedo and a catchphrase

4) All transsexuals and gay people are extremely silly and fun. I’m often pissed-off when I meet regular homosexuals and they’re just boring, normal people. It’s a shame they can’t all be as 200% outrageously flamboyant as they appear on TV!

5)  I can look like a big-toothed, wet weasel and still be a famous TV show host.

6) If I travel around Japan visiting prefectures I’ll meet nice girls who show me all nice sites and local delights, and then I can go epic freakout on each and every one of those delicacies.

7) When I try to kiss those nice girls, they’ll slap me in the face.  I’ll have more bruises than Foreman after Ali.

8) All Japanese families are quirky, wacky, and overact like they’re in a 1930s film, but the young, chirpy female protagonist will always hold things together.

9) Japan single-handedly keeps poster board companies in business. It’s like the news and variety shows never even learned that computer graphics were invented

10) All  newly-wed foreign people eat enormously gigantic fucking breakfasts


12 responses to “Top 10 Things Japanese TV has Taught Me

  1. Ha! A very insightful observation, and hilariously correct, I feel.

  2. Spot on. The concept of a “fucking breakfast” intrigues me, although I guess it’s fair enough when you’re a newly wed..

  3. I tried to leave a comment but I’m not sure what happened to it :/

  4. LOL awesome

  5. 11) When ever a the sticky paper covering a headline or subtitle is pulled off the aforementioned poster board, it must be accompanied by a synthesizer strings stabs.

  6. those boards with the removable stickers that are used on the news are apparently made by specialist board-and-sticker makers. quite expensive too, which only makes their use all the more odd.
    having asked around, it seems many tv ppl would be quite happy to go CG (quicker, easier) but the general public has got used to them and associates them with authenticity and seriousness, whereas CG might be less ‘real’ and more gimmicky (which, to be fair, it often is — see ludicrous US election coverage). also, having gone that far down the board-and-sticker route, turning the oil tanker round would probably be culturally and technically ‘muzukashii’. still mad though.

  7. Gotta admit though, it’s an extremely Japanese way….just staying the course….thanks for that info though, very interesting!

  8. As a Brit I’m used to the very high standards of the BBC, and Japanese TV always looks ridiculously amateurish in comparison.

    They certainly have the money to improve things if they wanted to, so I suppose they like it that way.

    The signboards and so on are just part of the deliberate amateur image.

  9. Wow , please do us a favour and post some more stuff like this one ! thank you a lot

  10. Im very happy about this shemale post , I hope you will write me

  11. Sweet, I’ve acquired the coveted ladyboy demographic, sure to increase my numbers by at least a half (pun intended!)

  12. Dude, just left you a comment on your twitter, I would have emailed you but I didn’t see a link for it anywhere on your blog or twitter, just wanted to say I am really enjoying reading your blog bro and the title especially, lol.

    Check out my youtube sometime man, you might like it.

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