I moved to Japan over three years ago. When I first came here I was really surprised at the lack of products here for heterosexuals. I found myself staring straight into the eyes of gay beer, gay takoyaki, gay toilet paper and other various products designed solely with homosexuals in mind.
I was a bit distraught at first, but after a while I encountered those ever-present ex-pats that were obsessed with the culture and recommended I dive right in. I was hesitant at first, but I just slowly repeated to myself “When in Rome…When in Rome…” and before you know it, I was all up in it, sucking down octopus balls like it was my destiny.
I drank gay beer like a rebel without a cause, I swallowed gay beefsteak at the local yakiniku like it was my job.
Three years in and I’ve continued to consume gay products with reckless abandon…
In this time, I nearly forgot there were products for the straight-minded consumers, so lost in a world of gayness was I.
But now Japan has recognized the rights of the straight consumer.
I’ve now been allowed to come out of the reverse closest as a true heterosexual, drinking my straight beer, eating my hetero burgers of not-gayness.
As the veil lifts from my eyes, the cloud of gayness removed, I can now indulge myself in true hetero products for the demanding heterosexual consumer:
The Age of Enlightenment has begun!
Now the Japanese can finally indulge in products that cater to their refined non-gay tastes. After all, the only fags in Japan are on TV!
Anyone else enjoying this straight revolution?