An Idiot’s Guide to the Situation in North Korea (Part 2)

(Part 1 can be found here)

 

South Korea

 

 

A fairly rational form of protest...

A fairly rational form of protest...

 

South Korea is the twin brother of North Korea. While slightly less insane, he can often toss rational thought and common sense out the window just as easily.  He’s jealous of his older brother and sister’s successes and has little love for either his mother or his father. He compensates for this inferiority complex by lashing out, much like his twin brother, minus the intense paranoia.

South and North Korea have seen times of cooperation via their various attempts at trade agreements (which will probably remain mostly one way, unless communist hats become all the rage). Unfortunately, in this scenario, each sees the other as the more retarded brother. The North longs for the day it can unite (AKA: win the Korean War) with South Korea under its terms and the South wishes much of the same, but under their terms. They will continue to knock heads endlessly, to the point where they might both want to try on football helmets.

The fact that South Korea is aligned with the West marks them distrustful to the China/Russia/N. Korea block, and the fact that the Korean War has never actually ended doesn’t help to relieve any tensions on the issue.

 

The United States

 

 

Mommy always gets what she wants

Mommy always gets what she wants

The Unites States is mommy. Unfortunately, mommy is a bit of a whore, traveling around the world and finding herself in bed with most anyone and everyone. She had a brief fling with daddy (Russia, Part 1) about 60 years ago, but they haven’t gotten along much since. Both think they have the right to all their children and pretty much everything else in the world. Mommy gets along with the one twin and the middle sister mostly because they let mommy crash at their places whenever she’s out whoring. She gets pissed off that the others don’t do the same.

 

Calling North Korea part of ‘The Axis of Evil‘ really did no wonders in helping American relations with the rogue nation, but beyond increasing hatred on the part of North Koreans of America (something already seen as fairly strong anyway), the real issue still lies in some of the ties and past hatreds mentioned above. Russia and China are likely as sick of Kim Il-Jong as America is, but the need for a buffer between the West and their states trumps the sickening feeling that hits them whenever Il-Jong does something dumb. Dealing with their retard brother is stressful and time consuming, but worth it.

America can’t even fart in the general direction of  North Korea without the consent of Russia and China, something which isn’t so likely to happen, and if it was somehow possible to form a coalition between all these parties to pursue military action (highly unlikely with all these loose threads and hatreds from past conflicts and wars), the US military is not ready to open up a third front of warfare anyway. Her hands are tied.

 

Japan

 

 

I used to be somebody!

I used to be somebody!

 

Japan’s the middle sister. She hates her brothers and often pretends they’re not even related.  Many years ago she got sick of being ignored and struck it out on her own. She did fairly well until mommy came around and bitch-slapped her back down to earth, but she’s a tenacious one and she came back around from that. She managed to claw her way out beyond her retarded family, winning prom queen and beauty pageants galore. Unfortunately, today she’s more of a faded beauty queen, living off past glories. Her voice is deeper from all the booze and cigarettes and you could tell she was once a looker, but has kinda lost her luster. She still acts like a beauty queen though. She doesn’t like what her family’s up to, but lacks the power or care to really do anything about it, cause she’s a pussy (pun intended) and a dram queen.

As a resident of Japan, a tangible sense of fear can be felt whenever North Korea does much of anything, but these people  go balls deep apeshit over most any minor crisis. Paranoia would be an understatement. While they see the N.K. state as inferior, they’re not anywhere near making a move towards stopping them, due to the constraints of their constitution and a very peace-at-all-costs minded people.

Il-Jong sees no problem in stretching their peaceful nature to its limits, knowing that Japan will do little to stop him. He knows that firing missiles at South Korea is bound to start a war, but shooting missiles over Japan stirs little action.

While allied with the West, they can actually consider themselves under some amount of threat from North Korea. The majority of missiles fired and tests are shot in the direction (or over) Japan.

China and Russia may get antsy at the idea, but Japan seems like the only real country with a tangible gripe that could be considered more of a threat to their own security than any posturing by a Western nation to exert control of the region. It might be seen as acceptable, yet isolated enough to not reignite the Korean War.

Recent articles point to Japan both lifting its embargo on manufacturing weapons and considering preemptive strikes. Apparently they may be pondering the same thing.

If they consider such actions they might want to consider sending back some ears to Korea, taking the war criminals out of Yasukuni shrine, and striking some deals with Russia involving land to the north, as it seems any move on retarded little North Korea is bound to piss off someone in the family.

What do you all think about the situation over here?

4 responses to “An Idiot’s Guide to the Situation in North Korea (Part 2)

  1. All history should be written like this ( \’-\’)

  2. thats awesome, north koria is like a retard with dynamite. you should write a book

  3. hilarious. Dont forget Britain, that back-stabbing ex-inlaw!!

    How bout a nice bit on the middle east? With pics….

  4. Lol, I’d love to do the Middle East, but not living in that part of the world, I feel that my opinions would have little backing or merit.

    Course, some would say that’s always the case…

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